Turning 60.
Actually, still 11. Who am I kidding?
Saturday November 1, I turn 60 years old. At 1am. Mom stayed out in the hospital parking lot so I wouldn’t be born on Halloween. It was 1965. Who knows what precarious strangeness would happen. (well, it did anyway…I’m a lefty, a scorpio, and a clown.)
6-0. Sixty. Hmm. I haven’t reached it yet, there’s a few hours ahead of me. But right now, I don’t know how I feel about it. Is it a big deal? I’m a queer nonbinary human living through the Trumpocalypse and I’m alive. So in that case, yeah. But instead of sitting here, trying to come up with perspectives, I want to take a different tack.
I’m offering myself the opportunity to shout out to the universe a few experiences that resonate with me as to my life thus far. I know I sure won’t remember everything, and so I don’t want to bore you with an endless list. I think Jane Fonda called this kind of exploration a life assessment. I’m not going to get too heady about it right now. I’d have to dig through moldy decaying boxes in the basement full of my journals. No, thank you. This is just for funsies. An experiment after a substantive amount of caffeine. And I may do it again. So you are now warned.
But I’ll share a few moments that are still wedged in my lukewarm murky mind. From wide open mouthed awesome things, to those that drop me into the aching pit of my gut. I’m going to play some tunes as I do this to encourage memories to flow. Feel free to do the same. It may make it less tedious and self involved. Or an opportunity to open yourself to your own list of life reflections, with a warm self care blanket wrapped around your shoulders.
These are not in chronological order. My brain is about as sharp as a camel’s ass.
Here we go:
Mom making me a Batman costume when I was in first grade.
Meeting my first gay adults during sex ed in 8th grade. I kept this nugget of hope in my mind for the rest of my childhood.
Falling in love my sophomore year in high school. But having to hide it. It was the 80’s, ya’ll. I still feel that pit of fear in my gut that I felt going to school every morning, thinking, this could be the day someone finds out I’m queer and it’ll be all over.
One amazing human who was a big part of our circle of friends, died in a car crash my junior year in high school. It sill echoes deeply in me. Her smile lives in my heart.
Going to college and having so many crushes, but never coming out. Too much homophobia. And softball.
Coming out to my parents after getting cast in a super campy queer play in my late twenties. Between my blubbering sobs, they smiled and said they were so hoping I would tell them. They have always been superheroes of support. I share their essence with all those who didn’t get what they deserved growing up.
I marry my person. We are some of the first marriage gays after MA legalizes equal marriage in 2004 (couple #147). We got married at an Audubon Bird Sanctuary. Meg’s Mom wore a skirt with feathers!? And my Mom wore a dress that clashed with Meg’s. But they love us fiercely.
I get stupid cancer in 2009 at the age of 43. Chemo is about as much fun as watching The Titanic in slow motion and on high volume. But I’m still here. Somehow. And I’m starting rehearsal soon on a show about my experiences as a queer nonbinary human cancer patient navigating a broken patriarchal heteronormative healthcare system. Stay tuned!
Running the first of four marathons. The first, at Disney, to honor a dear wonderful vibrant friend, TC, who should still be here, dammit. His laugh lives in my soul. Like I said stupid cancer, it stole his vibrancy from this world.
But training and running marathons helped me start to heal from what cancer and chemo took from my body and spirit. And from losing him.
Creating a fun interactive show, The Pineapple Project in 2015 for kids with my bestie Becca that explores and celebrates gender identity and expression, so kids can embrace who they are. We’ve performed it over a hundred times in libraries and schools. Meeting so many brilliant kiddos, we hope got a burst of love and fun from us! But right now….this type of show is considered “illegal”. Don’t get me started.
And now, a random and thankfully for you, shorter, list of adventures:
Norway, running up a mountain in rubber boots with my cousin and getting blood blisters on my feet the size of quarters. Worth it!
Zip lining in Costa Rica. Woo hoooooo!!
Galápagos, seeing seal lion pups, Bluefoot Boobies, Iguanas, Frigatebirds, a Galápagos hawk, Galápagos penguins, scorpion spiders, scorpions, and more all from just a few feet away.
London, seeing so much theater and meeting Broadway legend André de Shields. He’s so kind and beautiful!
Being an adult advisor for eight years with NAGLY, North Shore Alliance of LGBTQ+ Youth. The youth taught me so much!.
An experimental job starting in 1997, becomes my purpose as a healthcare clown. And allows my to truly understand what it means to be human through the experiences with kiddos, families and staff who for a few minutes we are invited into their lives and connect with our human energy, creating something magical.
Knocking on doors with my spouse in PA for Kamala Harris and having amazing conversations. Including with a man named Steven, who had so many Kamala signs on his property, along a busy road, and hearing his stories of energetic supporters and nasty asshats as he sat on his lawn several hours a day as cars drove by. He is a bighearted human.
Getting to go along with my spouse and Impact Boston, and be a part of building relationships with our Indigenous friends and collaborators of Turtle Mountain Impact. A total life shifting experience. Understanding much more deeply the centuries of horrendous harm and cruelty that continues in Indigenous communities, and the absolute celebration and dedication and pride of their cultures and its resilience. Being invited into a sweat lodge and experiencing something I cannot describe other than sacred, gratitude and spiritually enlightening. I have much learning to do, and I am unquestionably committed to uplifting Indigenous voices.
Joining SURJ Boston and the Indigenous Solidarity group.
Meeting my comedic heroines, Carol Burnett and Lily Tomlin. For real. Lily with her arm around me, as I was wearing a powder blue tux jacket and black bowtie.
Being a book spouse as Meg published her first book and getting to go with her on book events. I’m so proud of her and what she’s accomplishing, living her purpose and being someone who I truly look up to as contributing so much good to the world.
Her book: The Cost of Fear by Meg Stone
Loving dogs so much. Spending the last twenty years volunteering at The Animal Rescue League of Boston, has provided me with good wonderful friends - both with humans and dogs. I have learned so much from dogs. Unconditional love, patience and how play is so important. For dogs and everyone!
I apologize, this is so loooong. There are so many experiences along this bumpy windy adventure that have changed me, hopefully for the better. Or made me understand more about myself and what’s important. Loss and grieving are a big part of my life as well. All of this, makes me more.
I am grateful to be here. And I do hope my wacky Mal existence on this planet makes a difference for those who I happen to stumble into along the way. That’s my intention. And eating as much dark chocolate as possible.
Leaning in with love, humor and kindness. Those are always my aspirations moving forward, if I get to have a few more years. And kicking Trump’s orange stained ass out of the White House. Who’s with me? I don’t want to end with that.
Thanks for being here. I hope you weren’t too bored and if you did fall asleep, had a nice restful nap. Take good care and Happy Malloween!
It was NOT too long . . . I could have heard more. Keep writing, Mal & Happiest of Birthdays!!! 💗
You are Full of life, Full of Love, Filled with Compassion Happy birthday, Mal.